


To Mickey,Years Overdue

by ElizaAllanPoe



Series: For Ian, Forever Ago [2]
Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Boys In Love, Forgiveness, Getting Back Together, Heavy Angst, Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Men Crying, Sad, post 5x12, somemorefeelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-04
Updated: 2016-03-04
Packaged: 2018-05-24 17:56:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,206
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6161707
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ElizaAllanPoe/pseuds/ElizaAllanPoe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I'm sorry. You fought for me, and I let you go." Ian admits, his voice cracking. "I broke up with you because I thought that you felt you owed me something. But I was wrong. God, I was so wrong Mick. You don't owe anything. It was me. I owed you. I owe you everything."</p>
            </blockquote>





	To Mickey,Years Overdue

Ian sees him for the time at a bar. His heart stops and a bitter taste is left on his tongue. Mickey is with another man. A man with dark hair, and brown eyes, and he's touching him. He's smiling and Ian can't handle it.

Ian doesn't have the right to feel hurt, to not be able to see Mickey with someone after all this time. After what Ian did to him. But that doesn't mean it hurts him any less.

Ian was the one who had walked away all of those months ago but to him it feels as if he's the one stuck in place.

Mickey looks genuinely happy. He's got some scruff going on and his hair is longer, and God, he is still so beautiful.

Ian bottoms the last of his drink and leaves the bar, the bells on the door slamming together in a beautiful chime.

::

Ian is already at the dugouts by the time Mickey stumbles there. Their eyes meet for the first time in years and the contact is over just as quickly as it began.

"I-I saw you at the bar. I saw you with that man. You look happy." Ian manages out.

'Yeah."Mickey replies simply. Ian can tell Mickey wants to say more, but the words are lost. Not for long though. " I am."  _I guess._

Ian lets out a heavy and hard breath that he didn't know that he was holding, and with that Mickey looks at him once again. There is hurt reflected in both eyes. There is hurt reflected in both men.

"No. No you don't get to do that." Mickey says, venom in every word.

"What?"

"Be jealous. Be upset about me and him okay? You don't get to do that! Cause then I'll think you care about me, and please Ian I don't need this again.  _I'm finally okay again._ "

Ian looks into his eyes, finally. Blue eyes glazed over with tears, and he finally realizes that Mickey truly wasn't okay. "I-I do care about you Mickey. I always have, I'm sorry about what happened. I'm so sorry. I think about that day on the steps all of the time and I wanted to run after you I wanted to reach for you, but I couldn't move my body. I couldn't remove the thought in my head that you were simply better off without me."

"Better off without you?" Mickey laughs darkly. "I told you that you, me,  _this_ made me free. I told you that I loved you.."  
_I loved you._  
"I'm so sorry Mickey, I know I hurt you and I'm so sorry. I've always wanted you back, I just got stuck. The things I thought weren't the same as how I felt. How I feel. I was messed up, I wasn't okay. You knew that, and I pushed you away. I'm so fucking sorry."

Mickey reaches into his pocket rumbling for something.  
"I told myself I'd burn this. I can't even tell you how many times I've held it over the fire, but I just couldn't do it. It's my words. It's my heart. It's for you, and I think now I'm ready to let it go." He says, handing over a crumpled up letter. "I'm finally ready to let it go."

_you go._

Mickey walks away with a heavy heart and empty pocket, his lungs are filled with cigarette smoke and words that he should've said.

::

Ian holds the letter hard as he trembles and reads the words.

_I came out for you, I wanted to help you, and you told me I was trying to change you._   
_I never wanted to change you, God Ian, I still don't want to change you._   
_The word change is always heavy on my tongue. When I say it or think about it my throat gets itchy and my eyes burn._   
_I think about how much everything has changed now._   
_Everything but also nothing at the exact same time._   
_My love for you hasn't changed._   
_But yours did."_

He kneels down onto the ground clutching his chest because he loved this man and he broke him. You don't hurt the people you love, and Ian hurt the one he loved the most.

::

"I read your letter..." Ian started but then stopped. Mickey glared at him, his blue eyes stone cold. The night at the dugout had been two days ago, and Mickey wasn't expecting anymore from him. He said his piece. There wasn't any more to it. But here Ian was. At the cafe where Mickey worked.

"You don't have to talk, but please just let me say this."

Mickey narrows his eyes, but after a moment he finally nods.

" _I'm sorry._  You fought for me, and I let you go." Ian admits, his voice cracking. "I broke up with you because I thought that you felt you owed me something. But I was wrong. God, I was so wrong Mick. You don't owe anything. It was me. I owed you.  _I owe you everything."_

Ian swallows, his eyes red.

"You're right. I changed, but you said your love never did. Do you still love me? I still love you."

 _"I don't know how not to..."_  Mickeys admits, his eye closed, his voice low.

"You know, after you dumped me it felt almost surreal. I didn't believe it was actually over. I kept waiting and waiting thinking you were going to walk through my door and come back to bed and hold me the way I pretend to hate.  _But you never did."_ Mickey lets out a dry laugh, his eyes wet.

"You come back now when I can finally bear to hear your name. But here you are right in front of me and I can't even look you in the face. God, Ian, I'll never be me without loving you."

Ian gasps, relief washing over his features. His eyes smile, and his heart dances. " When I started taking taking my m-meds, everything cleared out. Everything was finally okay again, and then I had realized what I had done. I realized what I had done to the love of my life."

Ian smiles a broken smile. There are tears streaming down his face but there is so much love in eyes Mickey has to look away. Ian walks over to him slowly reaching out. He hesitates, asking Mickey permission to touch him. He can't risk fucking up again not now not again. But he just needs to touch him.

Mickey looks him in the eye once again and after a few seconds he slowly nods. " _I missed you.."_ The words are out before Mickey can even think.

He tenses, and Ian notices.

"I don't think I'll be able to handle you breaking my heart again." He confesses, wiping his eyes.

"I'll spend everyday for the rest of my life proving myself to you." Ian says softly. "I want to earn your heart again. I'll fight for you.  _I'll wait for you."_

"Say it again." Mickey whispers, so many emotions in his voice. Ian almost didn't hear him.

" _I'll wait for you."_

 _"_ N-no. What you said before.." Mickey says closing his eyes.

"I love you Mickey."

_I'll fight for you._

**Author's Note:**

> this is the second part the first part is titled "For Ian, Forever Ago."  
> I hope you liked it :))  
> I recommend you listen to words by Skylar Grey while you read this


End file.
